hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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