You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
