the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Randomize
