I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
