I wish I could teleport
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
