I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
