But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
