i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
