video games are the ultimate cock blocker
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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