Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
