Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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