handjob tips. give me some.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
