I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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