9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
