I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
