We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
