Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
