You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
