I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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