the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
