my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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