Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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