dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
