I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
