I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
