You're my little dorito
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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