worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
