i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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