Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
