wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
