i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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