It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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