I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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