I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
