The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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