There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
