Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
