you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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