im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
