im holly from the hills drunk
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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