and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
