I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She even gives head with a lisp.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
