I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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