my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
40s are totally the cure
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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