He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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