I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
