I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
