i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
