I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Panties = found
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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