That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
