She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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