I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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