If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
