yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
