alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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