so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
