i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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