i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
