She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
